Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
