so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
