my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability