Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
