One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did I show you my penis last night?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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