I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.