I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.