im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
