I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
