yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
