you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
