I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
