Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
