that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
