Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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