God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
