Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
