SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
