Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
