please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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