I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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