I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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