I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
