You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
