My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He? As in you personified your dick?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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