Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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