You smell like a Billy Joel song
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
