If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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