mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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