The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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