I cannot find my penis.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
