im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
