I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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