he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So much rum. So many feels.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
