She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize