oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
