what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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