I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
And then he peed in my hair
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