tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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