if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
