dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
