I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
