As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
