If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
