You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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