I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
