I didn't shave. On purpose
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
