you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
