I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
How external is "for external use only"?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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