I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
