dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
