That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
