he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
