Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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