I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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