he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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