haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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