Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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