just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
