I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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