i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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