This is not my ceiling
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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