remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
