Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
