There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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