yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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