he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
