We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
