i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
