if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
