You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
