I puked a lego.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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