Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks

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  (586): There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks http://tfl.nu/aadi
  Replies (16) Good night (3022) Bad night (771)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.

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  (586): matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet. http://tfl.nu/32zr
  Replies (19) Good night (1256) Bad night (1257)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  That's okay, it's all protein anyway.

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  (302): Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!? (1-302): That's okay, it's all protein anyway. http://tfl.nu/dhny
  Replies (68) Good night (3726) Bad night (895)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.

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  (412): Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody. http://tfl.nu/qy8l
  Replies (7) Good night (1041) Bad night (5000)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.

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  (313): So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college. http://tfl.nu/hsa9
  Replies (4) Good night (3195) Bad night (1001)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.

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  (814): he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard. http://tfl.nu/0fj9
  Replies (42) Good night (2318) Bad night (4640)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.

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  (360): Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites. http://tfl.nu/6ydr
  Replies (3) Good night (1115) Bad night (550)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.

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  (201): I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed. http://tfl.nu/jlau
  Replies (3) Good night (681) Bad night (1840)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.

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  (319): Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock. http://tfl.nu/6tse
  Replies (15) Good night (1739) Bad night (623)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.

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  (501): Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us. http://tfl.nu/mzbi
  Replies (3) Good night (904) Bad night (1019)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.

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  (765): I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him. http://tfl.nu/g1zb
  Replies (7) Good night (1459) Bad night (564)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  God bless Atlanta.

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  (917): Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes (610): God bless Atlanta. http://tfl.nu/oxn2
  Replies (2) Good night (978) Bad night (673)
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  (650): View more from California

  Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.

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  (650): Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels. http://tfl.nu/tpw7
  Replies (1) Good night (829) Bad night (293)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything

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  (519): You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything http://tfl.nu/69w4
  Replies (0) Good night (514) Bad night (251)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.

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  (250): i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties. http://tfl.nu/5hso
  Replies (2) Good night (956) Bad night (237)

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