Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.