3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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