The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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