Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
